tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72860800559764925362024-02-19T08:09:19.195-06:002 Peas in the PodI am a working mom of identical twins, a recent widow, and an over-achiever in everything I do. Is my life hard? You betcha. Do I struggle? Of course I do. Am I incredibly blessed? Absolutely!Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.comBlogger223125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-66315904876432015212013-04-11T14:36:00.001-05:002013-04-11T14:51:28.125-05:00Rear view...My computer crashed over the weekend. Fortunately the hard drive was salvageable, but I had to buy a new computer. The computer whiz said they could transfer all the data from my old hard drive to the new one and it would take a day or two. I picked up the new computer yesterday, and last night was going through the files to make sure everything got transferred. I of course was most concerned about pictures and videos, I had almost 7000 photos...most of them from my former life. Many of which I've avoided looking at because it is so hard to do.<br />
<br />
I'm always finding myself awed at how quickly the girls change and grow, and am always saddened when I think of how much of them Andie has never known. But actually looking at pictures that feel like they were taken decades ago struck me with a force much stronger than I expected. I had saved the pictures in folders according to their ages at the time...1st birthday, 13 months, 15 months, 16 months, and so on. Literally seeing how much they have physically grown and changed in such a short time, and realizing he never knew them at so many stages had me on the verge of tears. And then I found the video folders. I opened one of me when I was pregnant; Andie was filming so I couldn't see him but he was talking, and hearing his voice brought back so much. His voice was almost unrecognizable, and had I heard it out of context I might not have recognized it as his after almost 3 years of not hearing it at all. It didn't sound like I remembered and it broke my heart; it made me feel like I've let him down in not even being able to accurately conjure up the sound of his voice from memory. <br />
<br />
Naturally, this morning on my drive to work (when I do most of my thinking and reflecting) my thoughts drifted to him and memories of our life. Some tough personal things have been going on for the past 6 weeks and I've felt his presence, seen his signs, and talked to him a lot lately. I was kind of in my own world thinking of him when I realized a hearse was in front of me, and because I was behind it I could see there was a casket in it. I thought it was odd to see a hearse before 8 in the morning that had a casket in it. There is a small cemetery on the way to my school and I thought perhaps it was going there- though again, odd at this hour and no funeral procession with it. Just a lone hearse. As the road opened to two lanes I passed the hearse and got ahead, as did a couple more cars. I almost forgot it was there because it had fallen so far behind me. After we passed the cemetery I looked in my rear view and the hearse was right behind me. I couldn't imagine where it was going, but it felt strange for it to be following me. <br />
<br />
Such a perfect metaphor for my grief; in the early days it was front and center, it led me, and preceded every thought. I eventually caught up to it and passed it, and now it's still there behind me- always. At times it's very near and other times farther in the back of my mind, but always present if look for it. <br />
<br />
As I got near my turn off to get to the high school I pulled into the left lane and was astounded when the hearse pulled in directly behind me to turn left also- the only thing down this road is the high school and houses...it was as if the universe was trying to tell me I can't out run the grief, it will always be there. It actually turned in to the main entrance to the high school and that's when I remembered that the school was putting on one of those demonstrations for the students where they see the effects of drunk driving, (i.e. a wreck and actual students pretending to die, etc.).<br />
<br />
But I still couldn't help thinking that there was some message there for me in seeing that hearse this morning. Some reminder that he is always with me, he is always there...if I just look back.<br />
<br />Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-36744287439381705732013-02-16T17:25:00.000-06:002013-02-16T17:25:01.978-06:00I said "Yes!"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I'm engaged!! I'm going to marry the most wonderful man, the answer to my prayers, the perfect fit for me. He proposed in a place that is very special to me, and was very special to Andie. The place where I go when I need to connect with Andie and find peace. It is one of my happiest places in the world. He wanted to do it there because he wanted me to know that Andie will always be a part of our lives. We will always honor him and welcome memories of him, and teach the girls about the kind of man he was.<br />
<br />
Before I even met my fiance, while browsing for ways to redesign my original wedding ring, I found a morganite ring. I fell in love with the soft pink color and was smitten. I decided then that if I ever got married again this was the stone I wanted. I didn't want anything traditional or ordinary, as I knew that anyone who I could choose to share my life with again would in no way be traditional or ordinary. It would have to be a unique and extraordinary love for me to open my heart up again. I had never heard of morganite before so I did a little research and found this...<br />
<br />
"Morganite is known both as an angel stone and a heart stone. It can bring love to one's life or rekindle old love. As an angel stone, it is known to help with communicating with angels. Morganite also brings compassion, empathy, self-control, and patience. It can also balance emotions and ease the pain of separation."<br />
<br />
"Morganite helps to you attract a soul-mate or to deepen the emotional bonds already present in a relationship. It can also assist you in breaking the ties of destructive relationships, by bolstering your self-confidence and self-love. It assists you to release old emotional patterns freeing you to begin love anew. Its energy also brings peace and acceptance in times of grief and loss."<br />
<br />
It sounded like it was made for me, and for where I imagined I would be at the time in my life when I would be ready to heal and accept the loss of Andie, while moving forward with someone new. Luckily, when I shared my thoughts with him about the kind of ring I wanted he was totally on board and found the perfect one for me! And he loved the symbolism of the stone also. The ability to incorporate my past as it made me who I am today and the person he fell in love with, while also incorporating our deep love for each other and who we will grow to be, is something we both value. Honoring the love I had in my life with Andie is an integral part in allowing me to accept new love in my life again. <br />
<br />
I have to say that I feel I have found my soul mate. I feel a deep emotional connection and intimacy with him that I have never experienced with another person. I have allowed myself to be completely open and vulnerable so that he knows every part of me. I can not imagine being able to find this kind of bond ever again. I am so blessed to be able to have this kind of love in my life. He is an exceptional man who adores me and my children and I couldn't be happier to continue the journey with anyone else. <br />
<br />
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<br />Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-30714509276789356612012-12-27T10:29:00.001-06:002012-12-27T10:29:27.455-06:00It's still hardTwo and half years later and the holidays are <em>still</em> hard. They are still full of tension and white knuckling it for me. Trying to put on the happy face for my kids and those around me...I don't want anyone's pity or sorrowful expressions, I don't want to break down and cry, I don't want to be a scrooge. I truly want the holidays to be happy, but they still hurt so much. It's still hard to see how much he has missed out on with the kids. It's still hard to go to his parents' house and be surrounded by his family without him there. Knowing how much I still hurt and wondering how they are holding up, but nobody wanting to bring it up. Mostly, it's still hard to acknowledge that it will <em>always </em>be hard. This pain will <em>never</em> not be there. <br />
<br />
This year was especially different because we have my boyfriend's three children with us. Knowing they were coming was exciting, it was the first year I've actually looked forward to the holidays because I had someone to make it fun for, and it was the first year my kids understood the concept of Christmas and were actually excited themselves. It has been great to have them all here- it's been a happy distraction to have five kids in the house. They have been so much fun to have around and it's been great for my kids to have some others to play with. There has been lots of smiling and laughing. They all get along beautifully which is such a blessing. <br />
<br />
But it brings up for me just how much my life has drastically changed in two and a half years. I feel more and more like I have lived two separate lives and it <em>still</em> is all so surreal. I'm grateful for this beautiful new way of life I'm creating with a wonderful man and his beautiful children because it means that I'm healing, and it means I'm able to find joy and provide happy experiences for my kids, but I <em>still</em> miss Andie so much. I still hurt for how much of him my children never got to know. I still hurt for how much he and I never got to share together as parents. I still can't believe this is all really true most of the time...I hate that the happiest times will always be tainted with the bittersweet pain of loss. Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-73900007124825710482012-12-08T11:19:00.001-06:002012-12-08T11:19:41.235-06:00Brave<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
The transformation of will that happens in grief is nothing short of remarkable. You find inside you a determination and strength you never knew you had. Your thoughts, habits, and every way of being change drastically. In some ways it's startling. In other ways it's exhilarating. <br />
<br />
Where before I was always careful, methodical, rational, and anxiety ridden about doing everything right, I've now become more carefree, more confident, braver. In my old life I would never do anything too far out of the norm or risky with my money. I was diligent about saving and planning for retirement so as to be responsible. Now, I've done something that the old me would've considered crazy. I bought a vacation home in a foreign country. It was impulsive. It was on a whim. It was brave. And it feels exhilarating!<br />
<br />
I've learned the hard way that tomorrow may not come. And that I would've never had some of the opportunities I have now if my husband had not died. I feel the need to take advantage and live as fully as I can. For me and for my girls. I want them to grow up being fearless, determined, adventurous, and all of the things I was not. I don't want them to not take risks for fear of failure. The only way to teach them this is to be an example of it, so I am continually challenging myself to push my limits and in doing so I'm finding who I want to be. <br />
<br />
My home in Costa Rica is now available to rent for any of you who might need to get away and renew your spirit. I promise this place will change you for the better! <br />
<br />
<a href="http://milagrorentalscostarica.com/Unit.mvc/Details/70138" target="_blank">Gemela's Casita- Playa Ocotal, Costa Rica</a><br />
<br />
Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-28297972368916477892012-11-17T09:11:00.000-06:002012-11-17T09:34:48.734-06:00Weaving The weaving together of the old with the new is the most bittersweet part of grieving. It's what you want but it's also what hurts. I experience these moments daily- wanting to smile and cry at the same time. Things that bring joy also bring heartache. <br />
<br />
Being blessed enough to have such a loving relationship with Andie's family that we all still go to dinner on Friday nights just like we did when Andie was here, but now there is someone else there with me. And they have welcomed him in with open arms as if he was their own and has always been the one there. It is all I could ever hope for. To be able to feel comfortable moving forward and not hurting them in the process...but I do hurt <em>for</em> them. I hurt for his mother who must look across the table at times and wonder what the hell happened in her life to have lost her son and is now accepting seeing someone else walk me and her grandkids to the car at the end of the evening. I watch his brother who every now and then makes a facial expression or moves in such a way that for half a second I think it's actually Andie...and I wonder how he feels joking and talking in a brotherly way with this man just as he would with have with Andie. I think of his father who now invites my boyfriend to go fishing with him...the thing he and Andie loved to do together, and I wonder how he handles being alone on the water for hours with someone who is not his son. I wonder if they feel it too...the bittersweet of the weaving. The pain being replaced slowly by happy moments, only to be reminded of why it all hurt in the first place. <br />
<br />
Wanting the girls to have a father and seeing them develop that kind of relationship with someone who is not their father...it's beautiful and painful all at the same time. They are opening their hearts to love him in their own time. They were tentative at first...always comfortable with him but still always wanting <em>me</em> at the end of the day when it was time to cuddle. Always wanting <em>me</em> to tuck them in bed. Now they lay their heads on his chest in the evening and let him take them to bed. Not always, but sometimes...as though they're testing out if it's okay to let someone else love them besides me. <br />
<br />
To be truthful, we were all tentative. Sometimes we still are, but it is settling into a familiar life now making my old life feel ever more distant. In the beginning he was respectful to not overstep his bounds and let me do the parenting and correcting. Now he is comfortable with stepping in and parenting them...loving them when they need it, and scolding them when they need that too. And I'm okay with letting him. In the beginning I was hesitant to give up that control. It was hard to let someone else take part in that role as I have always done it alone. But now if feels good to have someone on my side, tag teaming the difficult moments with me. <br />
<br />
They ask where he is while he's at work and get excited when he comes home. Running to hug him and screaming his name with delight...just as I would imagine they would do with their daddy. Giving him kisses and telling him they love him before he leaves for work and again in the evenings before they trot off to bed. Then immediately walking to their dad's picture and saying goodnight to him and kissing his picture. They have room in their hearts for both of them just as I do, but it's so bittersweet to watch it play out with them. Knowing one day their father will just be someone they've heard stories about but have no emotional tie to because they don't really remember him. And this man will be the one they think of as their father figure. The one they will actually run to, seek advice from, and love. <br />
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It takes time...the weaving. And it seems tedious when you're in the middle of it, as though it will never actually all fit together just so. But then you look back and realize it's happening and you're farther along than you thought you were. There's snags along the way and it's not perfect, but it works. And it's becoming the warm blanket that gives you comfort when the cold moments of grief start to seep in. <br />
<br />Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-53303945845659999912012-10-26T09:31:00.000-05:002012-10-26T09:31:20.576-05:00Not the same...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I’ve had a lot of emotions stirring lately. I think it’s because so much has changed in my life in such a relatively short period of time and it’s hard to wrap my mind around just how vast the changes have been…and how swiftly life continues to move. <br />
<br />
<br />
The girls were 10 months old when he died…now they are over 3. They could not feed themselves, dress themselves, walk, or talk…they could not do anything independently. I carried them everywhere. I fed them. I consoled them. <br />
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Now they speak in full conversations, they not only dress themselves but have opinions about what they want to wear, they use the potty by themselves. They not only walk, but run, and jump, and climb. They brush their own teeth. They sleep through the night. They say, “Mommy, I love you so much,” and ask me to say their prayers with them when I tuck them in at night. They ask who their Daddy is and what is his name. They cry for him when they are upset with me, though they are crying for someone they have no tangible memory of. <br />
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I am so very happy now with my life, even happier than I ever remember being before. My girls are so very happy. And yet strangely, it makes me immensely sad to admit that I am so happy, so content, so fulfilled. It feels like a betrayal in a sense. It feels like it means I’m okay with leaving him behind while we move forward. I feels like people will think I have forgotten him…something that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I still think of him multiple times a day and it still takes my breath away for just a second. <br />
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None of us are the same as we were then and it makes me feel so far away from him. He doesn’t know the people we are today, he never will and that feels so final. He will never know his children the way I do, and in the ways I am privileged to get to continue learning them. <br />
<br />
Life feels like that river that Heraclitus referred to…ever swiftly moving…you can’t step in the same place twice, you can’t make it stand still and have the past integrate with the present no matter how badly you want it to…<br />
<br />
For it is not the same life…and you are not the same you. <br />
<br />
Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-31974212407759802012-10-04T16:09:00.001-05:002012-11-02T17:37:01.246-05:009<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
Today would've been 9 years that we had been married. I try to imagine what our life would be like now together. We would've weathered the storms of getting to the toddler years together. No doubt it would've shifted us and changed us to learn to parent together. And I wonder how we would have fared. Things were in flux when he died. Our twins were only 10 months old and we were still trying to grasp the idea of parenting, and who we were as parents, and who we were becoming to each other in those roles. All of that seems like such a blur and I'm amazed I have made it this far alone.<br />
<br />
People say I have changed. Of course I have. You can't go through something like this and not be transformed. A friend commented to me recently that she could tell I was really happy and that I seemed like the "old" me again...the person I was before I even met Andie. Normally this would upset me, but it didn't. Because I feel it too and I feel at peace with it. I am more authentically me than I have been for a very long time. I am living for me now and not for who I think I should be. I realize looking back that I was subtly shifting into who I thought Andie wanted me to be, though I never asked him if that was what he really wanted. Ironically, the girl Andie fell in love with, the authentic me, is who I shifted away from over the years and only in an effort to please him. Yet I wonder if this is where some of our marital struggles came from...was I trying to be someone I <em>thought </em>he wanted, yet all he ever really wanted was the true me, so he started to not understand me. <br />
<br />
I find myself back in that place of hopeful happiness like I did in the early days of our marriage, and again have found someone who loves me for me. I believe that God had a hand in bringing me this man, and that Andie has blessed it because he knows it is good for my soul. Because he knows that this man allows me to feel comfortable returning to the girl I was...the girl I want to be. To being the <em>very</em> girl that Andie fell in love with and vowed 9 years ago today, to love forever. Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-6966800187069377842012-09-24T09:45:00.000-05:002012-11-02T17:33:42.590-05:00The hustle and bustle...Wow! I can’t believe it’s been over 2 months since my last post. So much has been going on and I have been so busy I just haven’t gotten around to filling you all in.<br />
<br />
<br />
School started again, which means I’m back to work. For the first time in a few years I’m back to work full- time. I used to have Fridays off which was a nice reprieve for me. Being an introvert (and a busy single mom), I’ve savored those Fridays by myself while the kids were at preschool to get my chores done and wall myself off from the world to have a little alone time. It gave me a chance to decompress from the hectic work week and recharge for the weekend with the kids. Now that I’m back at work I literally don’t have a moment to myself except when I’m in the shower or commuting to work. The rest of the time I’m pulled in what feels like a million directions being a full-time single mommy, daughter, friend, co-worker, and partner. It’s been disconcerting for me to not have my down time to recharge. My brain and emotions get overwhelmed being in the presence of others all the time and I have to actively practice patience with others, and with myself. I’ve been overwhelmed with trying to balance getting all the things done around the house that need to be done while still being an active and engaged mom on the weekends. I used to be able to devote my time and attention to the girls on weekends because I had Friday to focus on errands and chores. Making it even more difficult is the fact that my boyfriend started a new job and now he works long hours on the weekends, which doesn’t leave us time to have fun together. So I’m back to feeling like a single mommy <em>all</em> the time…<br />
<br />
Another big change has been the “official” addition of my boyfriend to our household, and the adjustment of living with someone who’s not young enough for me to make all the rules for! My boyfriend’s children moved to a different city at the beginning of the school year. This was, and continues to be a very difficult adjustment for him as he no longer gets to see his children as often as he wants to. But since he doesn’t have them every other weekend anymore it has allowed us a chance to try living together on a trial basis. I’m happy to say it’s been a really smooth transition and when his lease on his apartment is up in about a month he will officially move in here. Though ironically, we actually spend less time together now even though he’s living here, because he’s always working on the weekends which is when we used to see each other the most. We’re happy to be taking the next step in starting a life together, but it feels bittersweet to not have his kids be a part of it with us. I felt like I had just started to get in a groove with them and develop a good friendship, and then they moved. It’s been a big adjustment for us both to realize they will not be as much a part of our lives as we want them to be. <br />
<br />
To top it all off, I’ve added a huge project to my plate. I bought a vacation home in Costa Rica and every spare second lately has been devoted to getting the needed renovations done so that I can have it ready to rent out by the first of the year. Renovating a house from a different country has been quite an experience, and has taken a ton of my time and money! I will travel down there two more times before the end of the year to get everything done, and it all seems ridiculously exciting and overwhelming at the same time. <br />
<br />
So my life has been crazy, and busy, and fun, and complex, and emotional lately…but it’s all been worth it! <br />
<br />Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-11528581636265995092012-07-12T18:13:00.001-05:002012-11-02T17:32:38.709-05:00Scars and salvationI am stretched out by the pool reading a novel. Ironically it is about grief and loss. My mother catches me in just the right light and notices stretch marks on my belly from when I was pregnant with the twins. I'm astonished she has never seen them before. They are nothing more than scars really. Points where the skin was stretched to within it's breaking point, yet miraculously held strong under the pressure. I see them every morning when I get out of the shower. Perhaps the lighting is just right there, or perhaps I know what to look for. I see them daily, yet to most people they are invisible. They have faded. They have tanned. To most people they are not even there, but are so very present in my mind. <br />
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This is how grief manifests itself now too, fading away to others but a near constant presence in the back of my mind. Not something I think about unless I'm reminded by someone that it is there. Or unless I happen to catch a glimpse of it myself when the timing is just right. But nevertheless, under the surface all the time...scars really. <br />
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After she notices the stretch marks I sit up to dip my feet in the pool. There is a bug spinning in circles on the surface of the water. One wing isn't working, yet the other flaps incessantly as though it might be able to work hard enough to save itself from drowning. Instead it only goes in circles. Over and over. It doesn't realize it's getting nowhere. It makes ripples on the glassy surface of the water effecting everything around it, though it does not know this.<br />
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How many times have I beat my own broken wings, going in circles with this grief, getting nowhere? Yet somehow believing I could save myself, only to eventually tire out and give up. Until someone came along and scooped me up. It is the same with grief...circles over and over until someone steps in to save you. Family. Friends. A wonderful man who understands loss in his own unique way. I think of scooping up the bug to save it but I don't. Then I feel guilty. Is the bug not worthy? Thank God for those who scooped me up and saw me worthy of saving. Thank God for them and salvation. <br />
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Perhaps the grief is on my mind because the novel I'm reading is about a mother that loses her son. Or because a family from church just lost their adolescent daughter. Or maybe it's the life changing experience this trip has been in allowing me to finally settle down. Feel the calm. Understand that I <em>can</em> and <em>should</em> live life in a simpler fashion. Perhaps this is what allows the thoughts and emotions to ebb and flow like the tides here instead of me being able to drown them out as usual. <br />
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Either way, I realize I'm grateful for the scars, those seen and unseen. They are proof of what I've survived when I need reminding. And more importantly, I'm grateful for the salvation that comes when you finally let go and let someone else do the saving...Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-34200054350164013362012-06-28T08:11:00.000-05:002012-06-28T08:11:10.932-05:00Pura VidaI'm in Costa Rica with my best friend and my beautiful daughters. We are here for a month; something that seems both extravagant and yet absolutely necessary as a way to escape many of the stressful things I have been focused on for the last few months. It's beautiful here, and the people and the culture are renewing to the spirit. There is a joy they exude in their daily lives despite how simply they live. A happiness that settles in your bones when you realize you can be happy with so much less. A friend told us of a survey recently published in which Costa Rica was rated number 1 of the happiest places to live. It is easy to see why and get lulled into the idea of leaving all of your old life behind and starting over here. Afterall, the country's motto is Pura Vida: the pure life. It really seems like a little slice of heaven here.<br />
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Strangely we left on the 2 year anniversary of his death and somehow when I booked the flights I didn't make the connection in my head about the date. But now I think I might make it a yearly tradition to be here on the anniversary. It's peaceful, and calm, and restorative. It's the closest to heaven I can get...la pura vida.Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-83013644608849338152012-06-17T08:42:00.000-05:002012-06-17T08:42:05.307-05:00LuckyToday is Father's Day. In years past this day has made me profoundly sad for the loss of my own father and for the loss of my childrens' father. But for some reason today I don't feel sad. Perhaps it's because I just spent an entire weekend with all of my extended family. Today I feel lucky.<br />
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Lucky that there are many men in our lives who are wonderful father figures to me and my girls, and who provide excellent examples of what it means to be a great father. Numerous uncles, cousins, and friends, my phenomenal father in-law, my brother, my brother in-law, my boyfriend...I feel lucky to witness the love all of these men have for their children and families. I feel lucky that my girls have so many wonderful examples of active fathers who love, protect, and provide for their families. <br />
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I feel lucky that I even have a reason to celebrate this day. I feel lucky that I get to reflect on what an awesome father my dad was while he was here. I feel lucky that Andie and I got the chance to have our own beautiful children together and I get to remember the complete adoration he had for them. I feel so lucky and incredibly blessed that my girls and I have so much love and support surrounding us not only today, but every day.Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-23635013758814694482012-06-13T09:39:00.000-05:002012-11-02T17:27:27.937-05:00In honorThis past Sunday was the 2nd Annual Triple A 5k run in honor of Andie. We had a phenomenal turn out and raised money for the Guadalupe County 100 club, an organization that provides support the the families of fallen officers. It felt so good to give back to the organization that helped me so greatly in the weeks after Andie died. I am honored to be able to know the wonderful men and women that dedicate their time to this organization. We did a balloon release at the end and sent our balloons "to heaven to see Daddy." It was emotional but also heartwarming and I felt a sense of peace throughout the day. I know he'd be happy that we were celebrating him instead of mourning him. <br />
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On Monday, the 2 year anniversary, we will board a plane for Costa Rica. I cannot believe that two years have already flown by. I am looking forward to being in a place away from the normal hustle and bustle of our lives where I can focus and reflect on how far the three of us have come in the past two years. So much of the hurt and pain has been replaced with laughter and love. I'm excited to get away from our lives here for a little bit and have the opportunity to live an adventure, relish in my children, and remind myself what really matters in life. Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-44023941461193263772012-06-04T14:40:00.000-05:002012-11-02T17:26:35.841-05:00The in between...The 2 year anniversary is edging closer each day now. For a couple of weeks the flashbacks have been coming. Re-living the awful moments of the night of his death, the day before, and the blur of days after. Remembering all that I said, and all that I didn't say. Telling him I needed him to stay but refusing to tell him I loved him out of the irrational fear that if I said it, it meant I accepted that I was about to lose him. I remember making the phone calls, hearing the unbelieving exclamations of friends and family on the other end. Crawling in bed on his side the night we arrived home without him and laying on his pillow so I could smell him. I've never returned to my side of the bed, I've taken over his side as my own. Watching over 65 police cars escort the hearse to the graveside service. Hearing the 21 gun salute and the bag pipes. Countless officers standing at attention to pay respect to my husband. Feeling so honored that all these people loved, admired, and respected him...yet he chose me to share a life with. Walking through each memory and moment in my mind in slow motion as if trying to discern some new detail that will make it all make sense. But it doesn't ever make sense. I come out of it just as bewildered as the day it happened and literally find myself shaking my head in disbelief. <br />
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I cry more these days while watching the girls. This is the hardest part of the loss for me. They are made of his DNA, they look like him, they crinkle their nose like him when they laugh, they are a part of him cell by cell, yet will never know him. There are no words for this part of the pain.<br />
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In the in between space between sleep and a wakefulness is when I dream of him now. It is only in this place that I can hear his laugh and recognize his voice. The familiar tilt of his head and sideways glance he'd give. These the are the details that I can't remember anymore when I'm fully awake and aware...my consciousness knows better, I think, than to let me know him that intimately while I'm fully cognizant. I am not strong enough...<br />
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The in between is so fitting for so much of my life. In between an old life and new. In between healing and grieving. In between being a widow to one man and something special to another. In between comfort and pain. In between holding on and letting go. Staying stuck and moving on. The only thing that remains the same between the two worlds is the love that is there...<br />
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For in love, there is no in between. It just is. <br />
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<br />Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-6014262562022418052012-05-14T20:11:00.000-05:002012-05-14T20:11:34.489-05:00My Mother's Day GiftThis year for Mother's Day my mother, my brother, me and the kids, and my boyfriend went to the beach for a weekend getaway. We all had a phenomenal time; lots of laughing, lots of enjoying each other, lots of bonding. The kids especially relished in the adventure. They are at such a fun age where the world is full of wonder and new things to be learned. They are constantly learning new things, using new phrases, gaining new skills. And I realized something while we were there. I realized how very grateful I am that I have people around me to bear witness to them and all they are doing. Someone to share the ups and downs with. Someone who gets just as excited as I do about them. Someone to share the memories with. <br />
<br />Looking back over the past two years some of the loneliest moments have been those in which I was alone with my children and they did something remarkable or worth remembering and I realized I am the only keeper of these memories. There was no one there for me to turn to and say, <br />
"Did you see that?"<br />
"Did you hear that?" <br />
"Can you believe she just did that?"<br />
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It is so comforting to have the support of those who love me and the girls around us so I'm not the only one bearing witness to their beautiful spirits, their innate genuine happiness, and to their continual evolution of who they will become. In this grief process you learn to appreciate things you would've never even thought of before, and I am so grateful I don't have to keep doing this alone. There is always someone there for me to turn to and say..."Look at them, just look...aren't they great?"<br />
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Mother's Day...the day we honor our mothers for all they have done for us. But this year I can only reflect on all my kids have done for me. They have been my shining light, my joy, my motivation to keep going, and my reason for everything. Despite the fact that there was a brief time right after Andie died when I thought it would've been easier if we'd never had them. I tried to rationalize that I could've handled the despairing emotions much better if I didn't have to be distracted by caring for them. But now of course, I see God handled that as well as he handles everything: perfectly. He knew that I needed them. I needed the distraction to keep pushing me forward towards a purpose greater than myself so I would not fall in the pit of despair and never recover. He knew that these girls would bring me more joy than I could ever find in any other way. They were his gift to me...<br />
So I'm pleased to say that I had a very happy Mother's Day.<br />
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<br />Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-54438044511841540472012-05-07T09:33:00.000-05:002012-05-07T13:10:37.044-05:00Clarification<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’d like to respond to a comment an anonymous poster left on my post “Second Best” which is not something I normally do as this blog is not a forum for judgement and argument, but I feel it’s important to clarify my stance because the blog was written at a heightened emotional state and I’m realizing it didn’t come across as I intended. Below is the comment he left for me: <em><br /></em></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><em>“This is particularly sad to me as I am a step father to 2 amazing children. I've been their step father for 2 years, a boy 12 and girl 6. First of all, I would have NEVER married their mother if I had any doubts that I was in absolute love with her children. They have a father who is active in their life, I happen to like him as well. But before I married my wife, I took the time to get to know & love my step children, just as I love my children and my nieces and nephews. If my sister and brother in law both decease while their children are under age, my wife and I will become their guardians. Because we love them "unconditionally". I hope the person who comes into your life and choses you and your kids never comes across this blog. If my wife felt I were "2nd best" at loving her children, that would cut so deeply, a wound that may never be healed. And if she ever had these thoughts, which she very well may have, I'm glad she never said them outloud for all the world to read. I truly feel for you. Good luck.”</em></span><br />
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The purpose of this blog is to be real and honest and to share emotions that are authentic and raw, and in doing so, to hopefully help someone else feel less alone or less crazy because maybe they can see that someone relates to them. While I did express my emotions openly and honestly “for all the world to read” is was only after a very lengthy discussion on this topic with the man in my life. I assure you I did not blindside him with that post.<br />
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Let me first say that it is <em>my</em> opinion (which I am entitled to) that the <em>best</em> option for my girls would be for them to still have their biological father, given that this is impossible it is by that nature that whoever becomes their father figure will be "second best". I think it’s a natural feeling to believe that the child’s biological parent is the first and best option for a child. It was in that spirit that the post was written. Secondly, I also meant that I did not want my girls to ever feel that they were "second best" because they were someone's step-children and were not biologically tied to him. As a parent you want to protect your children from hurt and I don't want them to ever question whether or not they are loved as much as their would be step-siblings. I did not intend to imply that step-parents are not capable of loving their step-children as they would their own. <br />
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What I was trying to say is that I am profoundly sad for my children that they will not ever know the love their father had for them. I am thrilled and honored that they will come to know the love of this man though, who <em>will</em> love them like he loves his own children. But I know that the bond will be somewhat different than the bond they would’ve had with their biological father. I am sad about the loss of the relationship they <em>could’ve </em>had with their father. The post was NEVER about me doubting that the man I've chosen to be in our lives is the best person to fulfill the father figure role to my children. It was never about me believing that he was giving his "second best" effort. Simply put, I want to preserve the sacredness of their father's place and give it the honor it deserves, while also allowing another wonderful man to be a part of my childrens' lives at the same time.<br />
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The loss of a parent to death versus divorce is a vastly different experience for a child. While both are deeply hurtful, they are different. I absolutely appreciate great men, like I’m sure this anonymous poster is, who step in and become great step-parents, but it is a very different experience when those children also have their biological parent involved too. When that is the case the step-parent is not expected to be the sole provider in that type of role, rather they are expected to share it with the biological parent and be an extra support to the child. But in the death of a parent the new step-parent becomes more of a “replacement” in a sense because they become the <em>only</em> one fulfilling that role; the responsibility is heavier. I know I am not the only woman who has worried if her new spouse will love her children as much as she believes her children deserve. <br />
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I believe there is no bond or level of love like that of a parent and their child. As someone who lost her father at a young age I can see both sides of this issue. I remember not wanting my own mother to ever remarry because I as a child I felt that nobody <em>would</em> ever or <em>could </em>ever love me or my mother the way my father had. Perhaps that is where some of my fear for my own children comes from…I don’t want them to ever have the notion that they are not loved immensely. I want to protect them from the same feelings I had. I <em>know</em> they will be loved beyond measure, but I don’t want them to ever have to question or doubt it.<br />
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Luckily, I have found a man who does adore me and my children, and is strong enough to take on the challenge of becoming a father figure to them. But more importantly, he understands that honest communication about my grief and the unexpected and not always rational emotions it brings up is the only way to make our relationship work. In considering remarrying and becoming a step-mother I would <em>never</em> expect to supersede the role of my step-childrens’ biological mother, or believe that I could love them more than their biological mother could. I am comfortable with being “second best” in that sense. I would never want to take top billing; that would be selfish of me, and not fair to the children or their mother for me to expect it. <br />
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It is in <em>that </em>way that I meant “second best”…it is not that I feel the man entering my kids' lives is giving his “second best” . Quite the contrary, he gives 110% in being the best to fulfill the step-father role, and he is <em>absolutely</em> without a doubt in my mind the very best man I could’ve chosen to be a father figure to my children. <br />
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<br />Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-16046084103343783312012-04-24T11:00:00.000-05:002012-04-24T11:00:52.428-05:00RevisionsProof, edit, revise…repeat.<br />
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This is my life; a constant fluctuation of hopes, dreams, and plans evolving and changing. Some major life circumstances have changed for me in the past couple of days forcing me to revise my plans for building the house I have been planning for the past 3 years. I have revised the floor plan for the house no less than 7 times since I sketched out the first idea 3 years ago when Andie and I bought the land. And now the entire plan will be edited and revised again. <br />
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I will most likely be selling the land and looking for a different location to build, though I have no idea when that might actually happen. A week ago, I thought I’d be starting to build the house by the end of the summer. Now it is all an unknown again. <br />
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I have the sense that things work out for reasons beyond our understanding most of the time, so while I am disappointed, I am not discouraged. Okay, well I’m a little discouraged, but I have faith that things will be okay. Because somehow they always are.<br />
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Life isn’t a rough draft that we get to do over for a final version, but rather it is a working document. We’re always being given new opportunities, new challenges, new information that changes the rest of the story. <br />
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My life is a constant cycle of proof, edit, revise, and repeat…the glory being in that the edited and revised version is almost always much better than the original rough draft. <br />
<br />Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-11896851480722289362012-04-21T11:49:00.000-05:002012-04-21T11:50:22.071-05:00Second bestThey sit in the chair next to the table with his picture. Addie picks up the picture and the following conversation ensues: <br />
Addie: "Allie, give him kiss."<br />
Allie kisses the picture<br />
Addie: "Now hug"<br />
Allie leans into the picture as if to hug him<br />
Addie: "Oh, so sweet to daddy!"<br />
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The only thing I want to give them in this world is the unconditional love they deserve from the man who matters the most. Their father. And I can't, and no substitute will ever be good enough in my eyes. Granted, anyone who becomes a part of this family will be the only father they will ever know and remember in that role. And for that reason, I understand that they won't know the true difference. But I do. And it breaks my heart. It kills me that they will come to know and love someone as their father, but to that person they will always be his step-children. It feels lopsided and unfair for them as they will have unconditional love and adoration for the only "father" they've ever known because they don't have a comparison, but that person I fear can't ever have the same unconditional love and adoration because they are not his. <br />
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I've said it before and I'll say it again....how do you ever come to accept second best for your children?Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-71526872346284841462012-03-26T11:34:00.000-05:002012-03-26T11:34:49.887-05:00BlurThere is a near constant fluctuation between my two worlds. More and more I feel like my life with Andie is vanishing and I’m grasping at things to hold onto, while also trying to be present and in the moment with my current life and appreciate it for all the good there is, but the lines keep getting blurred.<br />
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I recently changed several framed pictures on the walls. I took out a wedding photo and some of Andie and me with the twins when they were infants, and replaced them with the new pictures I recently had done of me and the girls together. My mom cried when she first noticed that the old pictures were gone. I cried then too because it’s all still so remarkably sad. But I justify it to myself by trying to believe that even if he were still alive I would’ve changed photos from when they were infants to more current ones. This doesn’t assuage the pain too much though. <br />
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This weekend I gave our dog away. The one I bought Andie for our one year wedding anniversary. I just was not able to keep up with the demands of an active dog anymore, and wanted him to be in a good home where he would get the attention he deserved. It was so hard to think of letting go of our first “baby”. So many memories returned that reminded me how innocent and naïve I was about life. How I never thought our dog would outlive my husband. How I never really thought our lives would be anything but mundane and normal. We would have a dog, a couple of kids, build a house, and be happy. I was reminded of the time when Andie’s best friend’s daughter was caught drinking out of the dog dish in our backyard, I think she was less than 2 years old then… I am saddened because I essentially don’t have contact with these friends anymore due to a minor conflict we had on the one year anniversary of Andie’s death. And though I apologized for my overly emotional behavior, (which I would’ve thought would be forgiven given the heightened emotional state of that day), and though I tried several times after that to reach out to them, I barely have contact with this couple. I hear from the husband through text messages on holidays, but the wife has not spoken to me since she emailed me the day after and said she was too upset to discuss the issue. That was 9 months ago. The dog is gone. The friends are gone. There is not one part of my life that has not been touched by his death and irrevocably changed because of it. <br />
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So I let go of our dog and wished him well to a better place, trying to believe that Andie is in a better place too. Hoping that it is true for both of them. And later in the day I had a wonderful afternoon at the river with this man who has become so special to me. We went to the homeowner’s park on the river where I have membership because of the land Andie and I bought together. Where <em>we</em> dreamed of building a home to raise <em>our</em> family. The dreams of Andie and I building our home there and raising our family are gone, to be replaced now with new dreams and new plans…I will build a home there by myself now. And I have to raise our children in a different way than I expected, creating a new idea of what family is... <br />
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My boyfriend and I had a picnic, and walked along the river and fished, and spent some quality time together. It was peaceful, and calm, and happy. As we were walking to the car he made a comment about the river park being a place where some great memories could be made together... “picture memories” were the actual words he used. I smiled at the thought of he and I creating new memories together. <br />
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The juxtaposition of all these old memories fading away and new ones being made to replace them seems surreal. It’s like two watercolors mixing…the lines blur and they seep into each other becoming a different color altogether. Changing the original state of both irrevocably. <br />
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That is how it feels for me now. The old and the new being mixed together, the lines blurring, and in doing so irrevocably changing what has been...and what will be.Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-20062843425282936712012-03-22T16:06:00.003-05:002012-03-22T16:10:58.508-05:00Subscribe now!The blog is now available for subsription on your Kindle device! Get up to date posts sent directly to your Kindle and keep up with how me and the girls are doing from anywhere!<br />
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Click here to subscribe through amazon.com <br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/2-Peas-in-the-Pod/dp/B007NJ4I3Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1332450271&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Subscribe now!</a>Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-21272804230645336912012-03-21T18:36:00.000-05:002012-03-21T18:36:48.188-05:00<iframe width="300" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/mtH2L5I6vYM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
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The stakes <i>are</i> high and the water <i>is</i> rough...but it's all worth it when you can lay down at night and be at peace with yourself. And more importantly it's all worth it when you know the one watching over you is at peace too.Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-25286837161333435112012-03-18T13:12:00.000-05:002012-03-18T13:12:53.409-05:00The release of Push in paperback is here!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNoE79qlBURYlOc2F2j1XX3Y9HFxDMJjMtue1qw7-eh9nC3LE50jP4dPsZuUckTk5Owr2ljFeZq6JIFwd4sr8CUCqGDEqfujSfBX65TGjS2xMYxn3VkHZkWcjWztw7TSY9Rr2IskBKCMqT/s1600/bookcover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="400" width="342" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNoE79qlBURYlOc2F2j1XX3Y9HFxDMJjMtue1qw7-eh9nC3LE50jP4dPsZuUckTk5Owr2ljFeZq6JIFwd4sr8CUCqGDEqfujSfBX65TGjS2xMYxn3VkHZkWcjWztw7TSY9Rr2IskBKCMqT/s400/bookcover.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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The paperback version of Push is now available! <br />
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You can purchase here: <a href="https://www.createspace.com/3718190" target="_blank">CreateSpace.com</a> <br />
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Or here: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Push-Perseverance-Unleashed-Strength-Harnessed/dp/0615579701/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1332091567&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Amazon.com</a> <br />
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A Kindle version will be formatted and available in several weeks.Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-72632941491921888972012-03-14T10:15:00.000-05:002012-03-14T10:15:15.610-05:00This place<div style='padding-bottom: 2px; line-height: 0px'><a href='http://pinterest.com/pin/175077504234086819/' target='_blank'><img src='http://media-cdn8.pinterest.com/upload/24980972902806400_5CSVqYv4_c.jpg' border='0' width='334' height ='359'/></a></div><div style='float: left; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;'><p style='font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;'>Source: <a style='text-decoration: underline; font-size: 10px; color: #76838b;' href='http://www.facebook.com/pages/Old-Charm-Bed-and-Breakfast/54372419246'>facebook.com</a> </div><br />
This is the place where I still feel Andie's presence. This is the place where I still talk to him and I know he hears me. This is the place where for just a second my life is still the same as it always was. This is the place of dreams...Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-19164397104106451132012-03-13T13:25:00.000-05:002012-03-13T13:25:19.128-05:00LimboBefore Andie died there weren't so many questions. Things were relatively permanent. I was married to <i>this</i> man. I would raise <i>these</i> kids. We would live in <i>this</i> town. Our kids would go to <i>these</i> schools. We would stay in <i>these</i> jobs. <br />
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Now everything feels so in limbo. One piece of the puzzle missing dramatically alters the whole picture. I keep up with the other widows who started this journey about the same time I did. We are all in limbo. Some are in new relationships, some are engaged, some are merging new families and becoming step-parents, some have moved homes, some have changed jobs. Some have done more than one of these things. Some have done none. <br />
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It is hard to have your life pretty well mapped out only to find yourself in uncharted territory without a compass. It is hard to make sense of this feeling; exhilarated about a second chance and new options while profoundly sad that none of it is what you ever really wanted. I suspect that like me, they too have some anxiety about it all. Longing for the ease and normalcy that comes when you <em>think</em> you know how it all will work out.Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-80049869631829880372012-03-03T09:01:00.001-06:002012-03-03T16:29:42.677-06:002nd Annual Triple A 5k<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVAG_Z5mvoriAzxTHaUNeBfW7Re2ljuKqG1Hd5ZGKWpdlPD9aNCI0y2QYi2pl-pCgqAH4niseQiq2qAxcD_mLcT85jezXzoFiYCPj4bfMUWpPsTawLr1WRHid2l-sl38UVrOk-ysifN4hC/s1600/Triple+A+logo.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVAG_Z5mvoriAzxTHaUNeBfW7Re2ljuKqG1Hd5ZGKWpdlPD9aNCI0y2QYi2pl-pCgqAH4niseQiq2qAxcD_mLcT85jezXzoFiYCPj4bfMUWpPsTawLr1WRHid2l-sl38UVrOk-ysifN4hC/s400/Triple+A+logo.gif" width="400" /></a></div>(**I know the logo says 1st annual still...I just haven't had time to edit it!)<br />
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I am honored to announce that we will be hosting an annual 5k Memorial Run (or walk if you like) in honor of Andie. The benefits will go to the Guadalupe County 100 Club, an organization whose mission is to provide immediate financial assistance to families of public safety officers and firefighters who are seriously injured or killed in the line of duty, and to provide resources to enhance their safety and welfare. This organization came to my aid soon after losing Andie and helped raise a significant amount of money for the girls' college fund. It's time for me to pay it forward and help the next unfortunate family in need. <br />
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The event will take place on June 9, 2012 The run will be in the morning at 8:30. All proceeds will benefit the 100 Club. <br />
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Here's the nitty gritty details: <br />
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What: The Triple A 5k Run/Walk<br />
Date: Saturday, June 9, 2012<br />
Time: Run starts at 8:30<br />
Where: Central Park, Seguin TX (Race starts at the corner of River St. and Nolte)<br />
Price: Advance registration fee for the run is $20. Day of the event price for the run is $25 (Registration for the run includes a T-shirt)<br />
Donations are also accepted gladly. <br />
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Sign up now at Active.com. Donations can also be made at Active.com (Search: Triple A 5k)<br />
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Here's the link...do it now!<br />
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<!--Start copying Custom Button code--><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="all" href="http://www.activenetwork.com/button.css" /><table><tbody><tr><td><div id="btn_div" class="btn-g201-redbtn"><ul><li><a id="btn_lnk" href="http://www.active.com/event_detail.cfm?event_id=2019403" target="_blank"><span id="btn_txt">Register Now!</span></a></li></ul></div></td></tr><tr><td noWrap=""><div id="btn_foot"><a href="http://www.activeendurance.com/race-software/marathon-software.htm?utm_source=Active%2BNetwork%2BButton&utm_medium=Button&utm_campaign=Active%2BNetwork%2BButton%2BCampaign">Marathon Software</a><br>by <a title="Online Registration, Marketing and Event Management Software" href="http://www.activenetwork.com" target="_blank">Active Network</a></div></td></tr></tbody></table><!--End copying Custom Button code--><br />
Hope to see you all there! Don't forget....<br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, REMEMBER HIS"</span>Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7286080055976492536.post-45715813601541313662012-03-01T09:28:00.000-06:002012-03-01T09:28:59.640-06:00Keep me in the Top 25!Only a few days left for voting...please keep me in the Top 25! Just click on the button below then hit the "vote" button next to my blog on the list. Thanks so much!!<br />
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<a href="http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-Moms-with-Inspiring-Families-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-Moms-with-Inspiring-Families-2012" target="_blank" title="Circle of Moms Top 25 Moms with Inspiring Families - 2012 - Vote for me!"><img src="http://images.circleofmoms.com/images/moms/link_badge.png" title="Circle of Moms Top 25 Moms with Inspiring Families - 2012 - Vote for me!" /></a>Brooke Simmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13586889706558409311noreply@blogger.com0