My Mother's Day Gift

This year for Mother's Day my mother, my brother, me and the kids, and my boyfriend went to the beach for a weekend getaway.  We all had a phenomenal time; lots of laughing, lots of enjoying each other, lots of bonding.  The kids especially relished in the adventure.  They are at such a fun age where the world is full of wonder and new things to be learned.  They are constantly learning new things, using new phrases, gaining new skills. And I realized something while we were there.  I realized how very grateful I am that I have people around me to bear witness to them and all they are doing.  Someone to share the ups and downs with.  Someone who gets just as excited as I do about them.  Someone to share the memories with.

Looking back over the past two years some of the loneliest moments have been those in which I was alone with my children and they did something remarkable or worth remembering and I realized I am the only keeper of these memories.  There was no one there for me to turn to and say,
"Did you see that?"
"Did you hear that?"
"Can you believe she just did that?"

 It is so comforting to have the support of those who love me and the girls around us so I'm not the only one bearing witness to their beautiful spirits, their innate genuine happiness, and to their continual evolution of who they will become.  In this grief process you learn to appreciate things you would've never even thought of before, and I am so grateful I don't have to keep doing this alone.  There is always someone there for me to turn to and say..."Look at them, just look...aren't they great?"

Mother's Day...the day we honor our mothers for all they have done for us. But this year I can only reflect on all my kids have done for me. They have been my shining light, my joy, my motivation to keep going, and my reason for everything. Despite the fact that there was a brief time right after Andie died when I thought it would've been easier if we'd never had them. I tried to rationalize that I could've handled the despairing emotions much better if I didn't have to be distracted by caring for them. But now of course, I see God handled that as well as he handles everything: perfectly. He knew that I needed them. I needed the distraction to keep pushing me forward towards a purpose greater than myself so I would not fall in the pit of despair and never recover. He knew that these girls would bring me more joy than I could ever find in any other way. They were his gift to me...
So I'm pleased to say that I had a very happy Mother's Day.