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Monday, October 11, 2010

Grief- the condensed version

The other night I awoke feeling unsettled, I don't remember waking from a dream or what exactly woke me up, but I was restless and felt like I needed to journal. Allie was in bed with me so I grabbed my journal and snuck to the bathroom where I could turn on the light and jotted down my thoughts. I went right back to bed, quickly fell back to sleep, and had totally forgotten about the incident until last night when I flipped back a few pages looking for another entry and saw's my version of my grief story condensed in a metaphorical context- yes, I really just said metaphorical context, I'm a nerd. I am choosing to share this so others can understand grief without having to ask someone who is grieving all the nitty gritty details that you're really too afraid to ask anyway.

"Losing Andie was like being caught in a rip tide- my feet were pulled out from under me and I went under- disoriented, not knowing which way was up. Instinctively I found the surface and burst thru gasping for air and for a second you think it's all gonna be okay, only to find yourself farther from shore- adrift at sea with no bearings or sense of direction. At first you want to fight the current but realize that to survive you must tread water and ride the waves hoping that someone will appear ready to help and throw you a life preserver.

Every now and then I still get the urge to fight the waves- I'm learning to ride them. I would not be surviving without Shannon and most importantly Mom. They are my saviors. "

Here's honoring the "life preservers" in my life- my best friend, my brain's other half, my confidant Shannon- and my ridiculously supportive, always ready to lend a hand, self-sacrificing mother. I love y'all!

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