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Monday, October 18, 2010

Life goes on...

" In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on"

- Robert Frost

I was in a funk for most of the beginning of the weekend, knowing that the 4-month anniversary was coming up. I had dinner plans with friends on Friday that got cancelled and Mom had to leave shortly after I got home from work on Friday, so there I sat with nothing to do and the thought of a spending a weekend alone was crushing. I felt so abandoned and couldn’t see past the moment of despair…these beautiful weathered weekends were supposed to be spent with my husband and children doing fun activities, not alone handling two busy toddlers all by myself for one more monotonous night of dinner/bath/bedtime routine. I was so lonely and alone and sad and angry and pitiful and pathetic. I could go on and on…basically I just couldn’t push past those feelings so I didn't. I did what any self-respecting widow would do: I wallowed in them and let myself feel it all, and wouldn’t ya know it- just like a toddler throwing a tantrum, once it was all out I was over it. Within minutes!

The good news is that my evening went on to get better and so did the weekend. Me and the girls had a fun evening spending time alone together. The very next day Addison took her first steps. It was such a joyful and exhilarating experience and I was so glad that I was home with her to see it happen. Of course it was bittersweet that Andie wasn’t there in person but I could feel his presence. On Sunday I got together with my close girl friends at the lake for the afternoon and had a nice time. We usually get together on the 18th of the month to commemorate the anniversary of Andie’s passing and help me through what is usually a rough day, but we did it a day early this month due to schedule conflicts. It was of course a beautiful day and I could almost visualize Andie standing on the dock at the lake house fishing! It was the kind of day he would have loved. The evening wrapped up with dinner at my house with Andie’s side of the family. All of the sudden, I wasn’t feeling so abandoned or alone- I was feeling loved and supported and embraced.

So life does go on despite the fact that I don’t want it to, or that the way that it’s going on is not really convenient for me, or what I had planned. Life goes on and your children walk for the first time, and you spend quality time with really good friends, you watch your children kiss their grandmother, and you continue to celebrate the little things you can find joy in.


  1. Hi Brooke-

    My name is Janina and I follow your blog sometimes through Tammy G's and Mandy's. I noticed the name one day and thought it was intersting (two peas in a pod) and decided to take a look. Your story is definitely inspirational and heartfelt. I admire your strength during this time. I know that words mean nothing and you have heard this before. However, I felt compelled to at least say how impressed I was with your strength and compassion during this time. I am also an LSSP and understand the demands of everyday work life. But to do all of that and have two girls is admirable. I definitely pray for your family each day for continued strength. Sincerely,


  2. Man. It's so crazy how you are in such a different place in your life than many of us. I want to feel sorry for you, but Brooke, with these posts full of grace and perspective, it's hard to. I DO, however, think of you often and think the world of you and how you've made it this far. I've loved seeing your videos of dancing and walking! What a special time for you! Love ya!

  3. Ladies, what wonderful thoughts and comments. I truly draw inspiration from all of you who are following and who are willing to share your thoughts with me.
    Janina, thank you for reaching out, I admire your willingness to share with me, more importantly I appreciate the thoughts and prayers. Please continue to check in and share the blog with anyone whom you think it might could help.
    Heather- thanks for a being a constant support. It's nice to know I can count on you being out there listening and cheering me on!