I started cleaning out his closet a few days ago. I have felt the need to clean out closets, get rid of clutter, re-organize my life. Get rid of all that is unnecessary and get back to simple. It feels almost like nesting, only I'm not nurturing a new life within me- I'm trying to create a new life around me. I finally finished his closet today.
Neatly sorted boxes of things I will keep and things I will give away. It is amazing how much one person accumulates during a lifetime. I'm astonished that there are five large boxes of clothes to give away, and only one box that holds the clothes I feel so strongly connected to that I want to fold them reverently and stack them gently as though they could be hurt in this process.
I was rather detached while doing it. They are just shirts, and pants, and belts, and ties...but I cry openly when I come across the t-shirt he wore the day the girls were born. Their tiny sets of footprints stamped on his chest in black ink after the nurse finished doing the same on their birth certificates. It was one of the happiest days of his life, and had you told us then that 10 months later he would be gone...
Out with the old, in with the new.
Purging.
Lots of purging...
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i'm going to do this very soon too...
ReplyDeleteit's a very courageous act. good for you.
Brooke,
ReplyDeleteI need some advice.
i still have a garbage bag of John's dirty laundry. i know, it's weird. but i just wanted to smell him still.... and now i think...i think i am ready... to wash them. ideas???
Autumn,
ReplyDeleteI think what I would do is wash half the clothes and see how that feels to you. That way you will still have some that smell like him if need be. If you handle the first half okay, then maybe you could move on to the second half...or just save one shirt that still smells like him and wash the rest. I don't think it's weird at all. I never had anything that smelled like Andie and I always wished I had.
I am so sorry you have to go thru this!! I would save some of those special items for your girls. you could even make a pillow or something out of them. Someday they may enjoy seeing it and hearing the story about their daddy. praying for you!!
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