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Thursday, December 2, 2010

Sustenance to last forever...

The other day (11/29/10) was the 15th anniversary of my father’s death. I turned 30 this year, making it exactly half my life that he’s been gone. Now that a few days have passed I realize that I’m on the downhill slide of it. Each new day that passes makes it longer that I have been without my father than I had with him.

I think about this with Andie, how in 10 years I will have been without him for as long as I had with him. And each new day after that will be longer without him than I had with him. The only saving grace in this is that what time I did have was beautiful, and meaningful, and awesome. What he gave me was fulfilling, and sustaining, and love at it’s finest. His love was sustenance for my soul.

And I wonder, can all the greatness that we had in a decade sustain me for the next 4 or so decades that I will have to live without him?

All I can do is hope...


  1. Interesting, I think I just got my answer. I hit "publish" on the blog. Immediately picked up my cell to respond to a text that I had gotten while writing, and what time is it? 10:04!

    I think that's a resounding answer from Andie that, Yes- he will sustain me!

  2. God Bless You, Brooke!!! I turned 30 this year and my husband was put on blood pressure and cholesterol meds last month. He has been fighting tooth and nail to not have to take the meds or go to the doctor. (Typical man...)

    I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now and when I read your "soapbox" I relayed it to my husband and told him all about you and your daughters and how heartbroken I am for you... and I don't even know you. Both he and I were in tears by the end of the conversation and he seemed to really soften his stance against the doctors and meds.

    Thank you for your candid blog. You definately have a gift for writing and have touched my life. You will be in my prayers this Holiday season.

  3. anonymous,
    I hope you check back in to read this...if making a difference to your husband is all that comes from this tragedy in my life then I will consider my purpose served. Please help him understand the importance of medical intervention and making life changes NOW while he still has time! My husband thought he was pretty healthy because he ran 1.5 miles daily, but it was the cumulative effects of poor diet for most of his life that led to his outcome.

  4. Brooke,
    You definately have made a difference... although I am certain that God has so much more in store for you. You have a gift with words, not all people do (I surely don't!). In the very hard times, I believe it is the good that comes from those hard times that makes us understand (maybe not why things happen), but that God loves us and really does have plan. For out of your hard times came a choice to write and touch others. Your difference in our lives is appreciated and I just wanted you to know that God is working out his plan. Maybe in a way you didn't expect. But none the less, thank you for writing. God Bless You!