Do what you have to do

I know you're all probably sick of my musical inspirations, but Sarah McLachlan is really speaking to me these days. It seems like every song on her Mirrorball CD has some significance for me. Again, my focus is on just doing what I have to do to get through the day. Yesterday was particularly hard- I felt distracted and on edge all day, short and irritable with those around me through no fault of their own.

I want to be with Andie so badly, to talk to him, to hug him, to smell him. I know there is no way to be with him until I meet him again in heaven and that holds a special allure these days. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal- I just know that is the only way I can see him, so on bad days I find myself wishing my life would just hurry up and I could flash forward 50 years and pass quietly in my sleep and into his arms. The rest of the time I just do what I have to do...

Excerpts from “Do What You Have To Do” - by Sarah McLachlan

and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...

and I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how
to let you go
a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have the sense to recognize, but
I don't know how to let you go

Yeah, what she said...