Does God ration answered prayers?
Did he answer too many prayers for us in the couple of years before Andie died when we prayed every night that I would make it through the pregnancy, that the girls and I would be healthy?
I’m the one with a congenital heart condition that made carrying a baby extremely dangerous, and when we found out I would be carrying two babies- we held our breath and prayed. Carrying multiples automatically makes you a high-risk pregnancy, but carrying multiples with a precarious heart condition-well, that’s as risky as it gets. We took a calculated risk getting pregnant and breathed a sigh of relief when there were no adverse complications for the girls or me. When Andie’s mom was diagnosed with cancer we prayed daily for her to be healed, for her life to be spared, and the cancer to go away. And it did.
We thought it was miraculous that all our prayers were answered in the 18 months before he died. Leaving me wondering now…was it not miraculous, but just God keeping score? Marking hash marks on some big chalkboard in the sky.
Did we use up all our prayers and that’s why the last prayers I prayed while sitting in that ambulance, begging for him to stay alive, went unanswered? Did God not answer me because I used up my allotment and it was someone else’s turn to get the good fortune?
It should have been me that died; I was the one that the odds were against…
Check out my honors! (Click on the badges to see other great blogs too)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Ah Brooke, God doesn't keep tabs...he works miracles when they are meant to happen. There just has to be a bigger plan after the loss of your husband. Keep faith and all will be well! And continue to pray for strength because He does listen!
ReplyDeleteI've often wondered the same thing Brooke... Loss makes us question our faith and oddly enough it's when we need to lean on our faith the most... I keep hearing "He has a plan" but not knowing the plan is very frustrating.
ReplyDeleteWEll, after living more than a half century, I am in agreement ... there are no tabs,no chalkboard. Secondly, Im not certain any of us can know if
ReplyDeleteGod "has a plan" I believe we all have choices and consequences, and we have no control over all our outcomes.We can cry, plan, pray,but sometimes we must realize there is no divine answers..is there even a divine being? Sometimes we must admit , none of us will know til we actually experience leaving this earthly exhistance, called life.